I’ve spent decades researching and practicing psychological and spiritual approaches for promoting peace, clarity, joy and well-being. It's been said that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional—and I sure have done my best to avoid suffering if I can!
So I thought I’d share some sanity savers that helped me enormously. Maybe they'll help you, too?
1. Look for what’s going right in your life (employ the power of gratitude) - No matter how bad it gets (and yeah, it can get really bad), look for what is going well in your life (do you have your vision? Hearing? A fluffy pet? Chocolate?). I’m not being glib here: while I was staying in-room with my first husband for weeks (chemo/leukemia), the chocolate covered pretzels from the hospital gift shop brought me some measure of joy. (Oh, and the cheese blintzes in the cafeteria, too.)
There are health benefits for paying attention to what is going right in your life, as well: several studies show that a grateful mindset positively affects biomarkers associated with the risk for heart disease, as well as reduces blood pressure and depression.
If you're conditioned to be cynical, it may be challenging at first to retrain your brain—but you can do it with dedicated effort. Making a daily habit of asking “What’s good about my life right now?” will help—or even writing down five things you're grateful for in a journal.
Good Tarot focus cards for “looking for the good” would be either the Ace of Pentacles (material) or Ace of Cups (emotional).
2. Assume the best intentions of others (and take nothing personally) - I went to college engaged and married after my first semester. Living in “married housing”, I befriended one of the wives. Once, there was a group of women off to the side, laughing. Young, broken and not yet in therapy, I assumed these complete strangers were laughing at me (!). When I mentioned this to my friend, she looked at me as if my skin just turned purple and I sprouted six eyes. “Why on earth would you assume that?”, she asked. Ouch.
Even if someone is outright rude to you or critical of you (as a person), it usually says more about them than you (e.g. their mental state, if they’re in pain or in emotion turmoil, naturally cynical, etc.) A great book to help with this is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.
Focus on the Ace of Wands to keep a strong sense of self and personal agency—and remember the 5 of Swords shows that some people just love misery…or act out of self-preservation because of past wounding.
3. Keep your eyes on your own paper (ignore what others are doing) - Comparison strangles and kills creativity, not to mention breeds envy and imposes inauthentic (and sometimes impossible) standards. Each of us have unique cultural conditioning, life experiences, personalities, socio-economic backgrounds, physical constitutions and relationship support (or lack thereof). It’s like comparing an Olympic swimmer to to a ballerina, or a farmer to an aviator, or a surrealist painter to an accountant: all different approaches and skill sets.
If you're interested in growth, evaluate your progress based on the best version of yourself, not others. Focus on the 7 of Pentacles to remind you of your own unique path, gifts and values—as well as your personal definition of “success”. If you happen to be a creative, I highly recommend the book Life Without Envy by Camille Deangelis. Also, see my post What Game Are You Playing?